Thursday, January 26, 2012
The First 24hrs After
Here I am 24hrs after my first treatment, I have been sleeping. I guess im catching up from not sleeping since I found out on Monday. Early this morning was hard, I had my breakdown with lots of tears. I was crying because of my kids. The disease is in the bag, I can do this, but to be away from my children who are my whole world is the hardest. I know and trust everyone they are with, and I know they are well taken care of, but for a mom who hasnt been away from her kids much since they were born is hard. I want my kids to know that mommy is sick but will be ok and i dont want them scared of me when I am bald or when I do spend so much time in bed. The main thing I want everyone to know is I am not looking for a pity party, I am great, I believe that deep down I knew this wasnt just some infection, I believe that God somehow showed me what I was about to face and I have been researching cancer for a few months now. I am not scared of the disease, or one day dying. I am at peace with this whole thing, and for those that know me....I am a fighter! I was talking to the surgeon the other day that placed the port and he said I was such a fighter, it was supposed to be a mild sedation and when I said "ok I'm done, time to leave" he knew I had to be put fully under because I tried to get off the table and leave the room. I laughed so hard when he told me that, I dont remember a thing but I do know that is me all the way!!! My mom is having a very hard time with this. I love you mom, and I'm ok. I promise. Im going back to bed now, I'll talk with everyone later.
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A child's love isn't limited to your hair anymore then yours is. They might show concern for you by being scared of this thing that takes away mommy's hair but they won't love you any less.
ReplyDeleteTrying to get up and leave is awesome. Sort of. Keep up that fight.
Oh by the way, my name is Todd and I met your husband in the Marine Corps. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God has a plan for each one of us though we may not know or understand what we face. Take care and God bless.
Heather, you are a fighter! What Todd said is the truth, they won't look at you any differently...they may ask where your hair went (tell 'em you wanted an Alaskan winter tan on your head) but they'll love you all the same. I am praying hard for you, truly.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this, Heather. You are brave, and very courageous. If anybody can "handle" this....it has got to be you! God has made you a fighter on purpose! Love you girlie!
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