Metastasis Blues

After a weekend of uncertainty waiting for the results of her bone and CT scan, Heathers test results came back today and showed a miniscule spot on her liver, as well as two spots in her bone, one on her hip and one on her lower spine.  The liver spot is too small to biopsy and it is not certain that it is cancer, but the bone spots are likely cancerous and will need to be biopsied.  If it is bone cancer, it is incurable and can only be managed to impede its progress.  Due to the variables of Heathers type of breast cancer we have to go day by day- she could live for mere months or several years, we just don't know.  We're experiencing the same range of emotions that we had when she was first diagnosed- for me, sorrow, rage, and helplessness over the lack of control of the situation.  Part of me is begging for some random person to pick a fight with me, the other part of me wants my M249 SAW back and a few thousands rounds of ammunition to burn through out in the middle of nowhere. Obviously these thoughts are not rational and not very helpful to the situation at hand, but man, this news is enough to make me fairly upset!  Heather is worried about how we are going to tell the kids about this and how long she's going to have to have chemo and treatment, which means chronic illness and pain.  The flip side of this is that we already knew that she was dying, as we all are dying in some way or another, we were just reminded the certainty of that fact.  We will work through this a day at a time and do our best to enjoy our family time together.