Metastasis Blues

After a weekend of uncertainty waiting for the results of her bone and CT scan, Heathers test results came back today and showed a miniscule spot on her liver, as well as two spots in her bone, one on her hip and one on her lower spine.  The liver spot is too small to biopsy and it is not certain that it is cancer, but the bone spots are likely cancerous and will need to be biopsied.  If it is bone cancer, it is incurable and can only be managed to impede its progress.  Due to the variables of Heathers type of breast cancer we have to go day by day- she could live for mere months or several years, we just don't know.  We're experiencing the same range of emotions that we had when she was first diagnosed- for me, sorrow, rage, and helplessness over the lack of control of the situation.  Part of me is begging for some random person to pick a fight with me, the other part of me wants my M249 SAW back and a few thousands rounds of ammunition to burn through out in the middle of nowhere. Obviously these thoughts are not rational and not very helpful to the situation at hand, but man, this news is enough to make me fairly upset!  Heather is worried about how we are going to tell the kids about this and how long she's going to have to have chemo and treatment, which means chronic illness and pain.  The flip side of this is that we already knew that she was dying, as we all are dying in some way or another, we were just reminded the certainty of that fact.  We will work through this a day at a time and do our best to enjoy our family time together.   

Update

It's been a while since I've updated the blog- Heather's been in Anchorage with Joshua since April 4th when he was born, he's been doing well and of today weighs 3 lbs.  He's really opening his eyes and looking more and more like a normal baby, in the sense that he is not so squishy looking :)  Heather had a bone scan and CT on thursday to see if the cancer has spread in her body since she was diagnosed.  We would have liked to find out on Friday but alas, we must wait until monday.  We are both a bit nervous and perhaps a bit cautiously optimistic that everything will be fine.  Either way, Heather will be starting up her chemo treatment this next week and will receive chemo every week for the next three months, then every three weeks for the next year.  It's been difficult being apart as I've been up in Fairbanks with Joey so we can continue school and work, it's painfully obvious that I make a poor single parent, Heather is really a blessing and the glue that keeps our household running smoothly.  Did I mention that she's also good looking?  Since she's gone hairless she has been the reluctant recipient of dozens of comments on how beautiful her complexion and head is!  There is hope on the horizon, it's nearly summer, Josh will likely be transferred to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital in a couple weeks, and Joey and I are nearly done with school (really cant wait for that one).  Thanks to all of you for your support, both financially and spiritually, it has been a great help.

Catching up

Ok, I realize that it's been about three weeks since I've updated this blog and alot has transpired in that time: Heathers mastectomy went well, she spend a week in the hospital recovering and has now had the chest tube drains removed.  In addition to her breasts the doctors also removed several lymph nodes in her right armpit. 
Due to pain complications, we have been in the hospital every day since her surgery, though we did skip a day when we first got home from the surgery every other day since then has been spent at the cancer center, the ER, or down here at Providence in Anchorage, where we are currently.  Being at Providence is a development all its own, we came down this past weekend to see the neonatologist on Monday to see about delivering our baby sometime in mid-April.  The delivery date has been in constant flux, first we planned on April, then May, then back to April again.  Yesterday we found out that the doctor wanted to deliver Heather today at 4:30 pm, so that is the new timeline.
The baby will have to stay here at Providence for at least a month and a half as he will only be 29 weeks as of today, his original due date was June 22.  Heather is planning on staying down here with him and continuing her cancer treatment down here for the time being, I will be back and forth from Fairbanks as I still need to go to work, and somehow the kids will fit into all of that crazy schedule.  We will see how the next couple months go.

Mastectomy today

Today's the big day, Heather has her double mastectomy today, hopefully it will remove the cancer.

Surgeries, Masses, and Baby

Last wednesday I had my last round chemo before the masectomy.  An ultrasound was done and showed that the masses in the breast had gone from a 3.2 to 2.8 and the lymph nodes 1.8 to 1.5.  So the chemo has been working at shrinking the cancer however not a major improvement.  I had also this last monday had a blood transfusion and a booster shot which tells my bones to produce more white blood cells.  On friday my counts had dropped from 13,000 to 8,000 which is expected after chemo, the normal person sohuld have counts about 10,000.  Joe being the loving husband that he is shareemod his horrible head cold with me after my chemo, as the days went on I was getting weaker and sicker.  Today is sunday and I thought I should finally go to the ER and be checked as I felt very weak unable to fight this illness.  I was sure that my counts had dropped more and that is why I was getting weaker, dizzy, light-headed, etc.  I told my mom its time for me to be checked out.  The ER doc checked my blood counts only to let me know that my counts were 0.07!! Basically my body was not producing any white blood cells, they talked to me about admission but decided that my immune system was non-existant at this point and didnt want to risk me getting any sicker in the hospital, so I had lots of fluid pumped in as well as a good dose of antibiotics to help fight anything that might be hanging or stirring around.  On Monday the 19th I am scheduled for a bi-lateral masectomy with lymph node removal, followed by another dose of chemo.  This is normally an outpatient procedure but I did request that I stay in hospital for at least 2 nights.  Baby was also checked, I had another ultrasound and little Joshua weighs just over a pound and has a very strong heartbeat and growing very well with no concerns at all.  I was going to have to go to anchorage to deliver early  but because the masses had shrunk my oncologist says that I can wait till 30wks to deliver.  FMH said they will not deliver me at 30wks and I must go to anchorage however if I waited till 31wks they would allow the doctors to deliver me here.  So since it was only a week difference I got the OK from the cancer doc to wait another week and baby Joshua will be joining us May 1st at 8am here at FMH.  Since it is spring break and my counts are next to nothing, I will be getting the booster shot and need lots of rest so that they can operate on the 19th, I need my kiddos to go visit people for a few days maybe 2 nights or so, that way I can work on getting a bit stronger.  My mom has been cleaning out garage since we had the flood fixed and I was wondering if someone with a truck would be willing to come and let me fill back for a major dump run.  We again are out wood if anyone can donate any that would be appreciated.  I also have a 80 gallon hot water heater that needs to be installed I got an estimate of 400.00 to install, but if anyone can do it cheaper please let me know.  Right now we have a 30 gal heater that just doesnt let me take a bath before we run out of hot water.  I want to say thank you to everyone who has been helping us out, I have been truely blessed by everyone, I cant remember everything and specifically who has done what, but God has truely been there for me and I dont know how I can repay everyone for loving and supporting us so much.  Your prayers and thoughts get me through everyday.  I love you all and again thank you so much for being there and helping us fight!

Colds and Cancer

Pray that Heathers white blood cells stay strong, I have had a nasty cold for the past week and Heather is coming down with it now. Things are tough enough for her as it is and a cold is just enother drain on her body.